Becoming as a Child

Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven.

Matthew 19:3 (NASB)

Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it at all.

Luke 18:17 (NASB)

Let the children alone, and do not hinder them from coming to Me; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.

Matthew 19:14 (NASB)

There’s something really counter-intuitive to these things that Jesus said. All our lives we are told to “grow up”, to “mature”, to learn, achieve, and get smarter. And yet, that’s not exactly how Jesus describes it. He seems to be saying there’s almost a retrograde motion needed, to go from being so smart and knowledgeable to being a child. And even Peter says “… like newborn babies …” (I Peter 2:2)

And I saw that in my wife in the days and months before she died. She often quoted Matthew 19:3 about her grandmother who died at the ripe young age of 104 (on her birthday!), and said how she saw this happening with her so that she could enter the kingdom of heaven. And, sure enough, I saw it in Beth too to prepare her.

Some people countered with, “well, she had whole brain radiation and chemotherapy, so you were just seeing the side-effects on her brain.” Which was true to some extent. She was aware of it — she often commented on her “chemo-brain” and how thinking was more difficult and “fuzzier”. Which, if you think about it, is quite interesting self-awareness…. But, I know what happened was more than that — it was a heart change that the Holy Spirit was doing. And here’s why I think that:

• Her voracious appetite for the Word of God. There was not a day went by (and if it did, she made it up the next day) that she didn’t listen to Dr. J. Vernon McGee (“Through the Bible”) on her iPod.
• Practically every morning she would sit in the chair in my office, with her Bible open and her coffee at hand. She was so content just to be with me, even though I was working away, but reading the Word, and I know praying (a lot for me …).
• We went on a long road-trip the whole month of July 2018 (so 2-3 months before she died). Often during the 5,000 miles of driving she would just “be there” with me, without having to say anything, or even have music playing. When I asked her what she was thinking she would say, “Oh nothing, just looking.” Which was really different — she always had to have music playing, and she was a “doer” and a “planner”.
• She gravitated to the children, and they to her. Always. At church she would find the children and end up being with them first. Her grandchildren were always on her mind. There are still a bazillion cards done by the children at church still up on the wall and all around the kitchen, written to her; prayers, “Get Well”, “God loves you” and more.
• There was a contentedness about her in the last few weeks that I had never seen. I mean, going from hiking in the mountains to completely paralyzed from the waist down in the space of 3 weeks, and not a single complaint!! How is that even possible??
• Other people saw it too. One of the elders of our church in San Jose noticed the change. A peace and contentment was there in her eyes, he said, which had not been there before.

So, how does all that translate to “becoming as a child”? I think of Psalm 131, which sums up a lot of the aspects of it:

O Lord, my heart is not proud, nor my eyes haughty;

Nor do I involve myself in great matters,

Or in things too difficult for me.

I have composed and quieted my soul;

Like a weaned child rests against his mother,

My soul is like a weaned child within me.

Psalm 131:1-2

And one of the messages I heard fairly recently was about “wonder”. To me that is a key element in this whole equation. Do I have this sense of awe and wonder when it comes to God, my Father? To think that the Creator of time, space, the stars, planets, trees, fish, cats, grass, bacteria, and me actually wants to know me and me to know Him, should be a WONDERFUL thought! But does it provoke that reaction in me??

I glimpsed these things in my wife. A few hours before she died she sang for us “All the Way My Savior Leads Me” and I heard her voice catch at the words, “Perfect rest to me is promised in my Father’s house above”. She was almost there; I know she caught a glimpse. And pretty much her last words to me were, “I’m tired, I need to rest.” And getting her there provoked the last seizure that took her. Or rather, He took her, through the last seizure.

I see in me a huge tendency to pride, to religion, to a set of “do”s and “don’t”s, to theological arguments and parsing Greek tenses and … But, “wonder” or “composing and quieting my soul”, not so much. But I want it. If God is anything as WONDERFUL as He says He is, then I really ought to become like a child and rest against Him, and wonder at Him; to rest and wonder at a God who lives in a high and holy place, and who stoops down to regard the humble and contrite of spirit; to marvel at and adore a Father who would sacrifice His only Son to save His enemy, a wretch like me.

Oh that I could also become more like a child to enter the kingdom of heaven!